Today, I accidentally made a kid cry....... and that broke my heart, I felt utter remorse for being so harsh to him ):

Alright, so basically, everyday during lunchtime, I assist the food auntie to give out the lunches to the kids. Today, after giving out to every P1, I started serving the other levels when this P1 kid came back (or so I thought he did). I asked him what he wanted and he said "Uhm, I don't want the egg and the cucumber." I was slightly surprised because he was supposed to ask that before he took his plate (OKAY MY FAULT HERE IS THAT I ASSUMED THAT HE HAD TAKEN HIS LUNCH OK I AM SO INCREDIBLY SORRY)

So I told him "_______, you should have told me before you take your plate. Where's your plate now?" And he didn't reply me, so I thought he just wanted a new plate without the cucumber. He didn't reply me but he said "I really don't want the cucumber." Obviously, I can't take out the cucumber cause all the other kids will complain and say it is unfair and unjust and bla bla bla.... yget what I mean. And he gave me all sorts of nonsense excuses. "I cannot eat vegetables." "it is too sour" "it doesn't taste nice" And by that time, I got slightly agitated?!?!? .... And so.... i scolded him.... "______, stop giving me excuses! You better go back and eat or I would tell Auntie ______ (our head disciplinarian)" And I absolutely ignored him (OH MY GOD. WRITING THIS, I WANT TO KILL MYSELF NOW. WAS I FOR REAL)

When he noticed I was not answering him, e went to queue up at the P2 line and a colleague of mine was shocked "eh, why are you here!" and I told her to ignore him because he just didn't want to eat the cucumbers (WTF OMG WTF SELF WTF) and then I told myself ok, he seems to not be getting it, i will sit beside him and make him eat his cucumbers. So I asked him "ok, come I sit beside you and help you eat ok?" and so I took his hand and brought him back to the tables where the kids are and..... I REALISED HE REALLY HASN'T GOTTEN HIS FOOD. By that time he was already tearing up and sobbing and i felt f- guilty ok. And this kid is a genuinely good kid and he is gonna hate me for life for doing that.

Brought him back to the stall to get his food and he was furiously wiping off his tears and all I could say was 'oh, don't cry, it's alright, your food is here, I teach you how to eat the cucumber ok?' and I didn't even apologize, I am so disappointed in myself. And then while eating, he actually made the effort to eat his cucumbers even though he doesn't like it! /cries freaking buckets of tears istg/

ok basically I felt very very very bad for what I said/did towards this kid without realising the enormous amounts of stress I was imposing on him. I should really kick myself hard in the head omg i think i've been pretty strong on the kids recently.... i should tone down bc they are k i d s.

sigh........... s i g h............. S I G H.................................

I will try better from now onwards.

Labels: children, dailies

Today, I accidentally made a kid cry....... and that broke my heart, I felt utter remorse for being so harsh to him ):

Alright, so basically, everyday during lunchtime, I assist the food auntie to give out the lunches to the kids. Today, after giving out to every P1, I started serving the other levels when this P1 kid came back (or so I thought he did). I asked him what he wanted and he said "Uhm, I don't want the egg and the cucumber." I was slightly surprised because he was supposed to ask that before he took his plate (OKAY MY FAULT HERE IS THAT I ASSUMED THAT HE HAD TAKEN HIS LUNCH OK I AM SO INCREDIBLY SORRY)

So I told him "_______, you should have told me before you take your plate. Where's your plate now?" And he didn't reply me, so I thought he just wanted a new plate without the cucumber. He didn't reply me but he said "I really don't want the cucumber." Obviously, I can't take out the cucumber cause all the other kids will complain and say it is unfair and unjust and bla bla bla.... yget what I mean. And he gave me all sorts of nonsense excuses. "I cannot eat vegetables." "it is too sour" "it doesn't taste nice" And by that time, I got slightly agitated?!?!? .... And so.... i scolded him.... "______, stop giving me excuses! You better go back and eat or I would tell Auntie ______ (our head disciplinarian)" And I absolutely ignored him (OH MY GOD. WRITING THIS, I WANT TO KILL MYSELF NOW. WAS I FOR REAL)

When he noticed I was not answering him, e went to queue up at the P2 line and a colleague of mine was shocked "eh, why are you here!" and I told her to ignore him because he just didn't want to eat the cucumbers (WTF OMG WTF SELF WTF) and then I told myself ok, he seems to not be getting it, i will sit beside him and make him eat his cucumbers. So I asked him "ok, come I sit beside you and help you eat ok?" and so I took his hand and brought him back to the tables where the kids are and..... I REALISED HE REALLY HASN'T GOTTEN HIS FOOD. By that time he was already tearing up and sobbing and i felt f- guilty ok. And this kid is a genuinely good kid and he is gonna hate me for life for doing that.

Brought him back to the stall to get his food and he was furiously wiping off his tears and all I could say was 'oh, don't cry, it's alright, your food is here, I teach you how to eat the cucumber ok?' and I didn't even apologize, I am so disappointed in myself. And then while eating, he actually made the effort to eat his cucumbers even though he doesn't like it! /cries freaking buckets of tears istg/

ok basically I felt very very very bad for what I said/did towards this kid without realising the enormous amounts of stress I was imposing on him. I should really kick myself hard in the head omg i think i've been pretty strong on the kids recently.... i should tone down bc they are k i d s.

sigh........... s i g h............. S I G H.................................

I will try better from now onwards.

Labels: children, dailies