A while ago, on a night out, I realised that what had happened in the past, every single life changing incident, doesn't necessarily have to affect the thoughts and choices I make today, and I think that's a really positive change in my mindset for my current and future selves.
-
D-6 to Korea, and it is surreallllll to think that this time next week, I would be back in the hostel from strolling down Haeundae beach with two wonderful people, with cozy jackets on and our feet digging into the sand. The thought of it gives me such joy and thrill.

Close my eyes, open them
I've just done graduation
Close my eyes and open them again
I'm on vacation
Thrice, closed and open
I'm back under pressure

Life's such. Especially life here. But yknow, let's live in thr moment, shall we?
-
I'll be updating more often with my trip coming up!!! Here's to less empty blogs and more interesting stories /clink

Labels: dailies, poem

Today, I accidentally made a kid cry....... and that broke my heart, I felt utter remorse for being so harsh to him ):

Alright, so basically, everyday during lunchtime, I assist the food auntie to give out the lunches to the kids. Today, after giving out to every P1, I started serving the other levels when this P1 kid came back (or so I thought he did). I asked him what he wanted and he said "Uhm, I don't want the egg and the cucumber." I was slightly surprised because he was supposed to ask that before he took his plate (OKAY MY FAULT HERE IS THAT I ASSUMED THAT HE HAD TAKEN HIS LUNCH OK I AM SO INCREDIBLY SORRY)

So I told him "_______, you should have told me before you take your plate. Where's your plate now?" And he didn't reply me, so I thought he just wanted a new plate without the cucumber. He didn't reply me but he said "I really don't want the cucumber." Obviously, I can't take out the cucumber cause all the other kids will complain and say it is unfair and unjust and bla bla bla.... yget what I mean. And he gave me all sorts of nonsense excuses. "I cannot eat vegetables." "it is too sour" "it doesn't taste nice" And by that time, I got slightly agitated?!?!? .... And so.... i scolded him.... "______, stop giving me excuses! You better go back and eat or I would tell Auntie ______ (our head disciplinarian)" And I absolutely ignored him (OH MY GOD. WRITING THIS, I WANT TO KILL MYSELF NOW. WAS I FOR REAL)

When he noticed I was not answering him, e went to queue up at the P2 line and a colleague of mine was shocked "eh, why are you here!" and I told her to ignore him because he just didn't want to eat the cucumbers (WTF OMG WTF SELF WTF) and then I told myself ok, he seems to not be getting it, i will sit beside him and make him eat his cucumbers. So I asked him "ok, come I sit beside you and help you eat ok?" and so I took his hand and brought him back to the tables where the kids are and..... I REALISED HE REALLY HASN'T GOTTEN HIS FOOD. By that time he was already tearing up and sobbing and i felt f- guilty ok. And this kid is a genuinely good kid and he is gonna hate me for life for doing that.

Brought him back to the stall to get his food and he was furiously wiping off his tears and all I could say was 'oh, don't cry, it's alright, your food is here, I teach you how to eat the cucumber ok?' and I didn't even apologize, I am so disappointed in myself. And then while eating, he actually made the effort to eat his cucumbers even though he doesn't like it! /cries freaking buckets of tears istg/

ok basically I felt very very very bad for what I said/did towards this kid without realising the enormous amounts of stress I was imposing on him. I should really kick myself hard in the head omg i think i've been pretty strong on the kids recently.... i should tone down bc they are k i d s.

sigh........... s i g h............. S I G H.................................

I will try better from now onwards.

Labels: children, dailies

아니야 사실은, 친구 아니야.

Labels: dailies

I've been spending a lot of time with kids that I have started to feel awkward around groups of people my age.

Labels: dailies

Nerve wrecking, there was a gush of so many emotions at one go - fear, excitement, believe - amongst others

Labels: children, dailies

Song: The Falala Song - Jack & Rai
Mood: Apprehensive



It's been a good two weeks at school so far. I am LOVING the fact we only have 4 days of school each week, my weekends starting a day earlier and lasting for three days ^^

will do a proper post once I have my priorities straight. yeap I kind of got distracted.

Labels: dailies

Song: Femme Fatale - Emilie Simon
Mood: Nonchalant

Shifting places,
need something new.
Familiar faces,
none of which are true. 

Classroom daze.
Murmurs all around.
Brain's a haze,
can't find your ground.

- written today, in commemoration of the first day of school. As you can probably tell, negativity is overpowering and overwhelming.

Insane, unfathomable rant coming up.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Some feelings in my life, even though they seem real at that moment it happened, those feelings feel like a dream afterwards. I've learned to push those feelings deep into the corners of my otherwise dusty mind just because I know it will might never happen again, those feelings will never resurface again because those moments happen only ONCE in my entire lifetime.

I push everything away, I don't know if it's because I don't want to disappoint myself when my expectations aren't met, or it's because it's just better this way. The past should stay where it belongs, the past. No spilling over the pages of today and tomorrow... I don't know. I really don't.

I think you're part of my past now. Thank you for having been part of my life for that point in time. But I guess some people can't see the fact I've slipped away from what used to be and I'm not exactly interested to go through what I felt the last few hours of that point in my life. If you get my drift. Rage, envy and utter disappointment. But who would know right?

Who would.

Labels: dailies, poem

Song: Anything But Ordinary - Avril Lavigne
Mood: HIGHLY THRILLED FOR SCHOOL





I've got a new meaning to this word, other than the usual 12-hour shifts on my com + week + sleep in till late kind of holidays. yes imma pig sue me.

Sincerely speaking, the past 3 4 5 6 weeks have been one hell of a roller-coaster ride that I really enjoyed. Even the dips, the thrilling dips, that just brings the ride back up to the highest point again. I mean, the highest points won't be high without the lowest points right? (:

I did crazy things I would never have had done last holidays (ok I don't know if it's because I turned legal or because I needed to shake things off) but I did and damn, hahah it was fun. The nights out, the new experiences, all those feelings and thoughts that felt so alive. So alive to the point I can still hardly believe that it is so different compared to the me during school (but hey everyone's like that in school too)

The break, it was definitely NOT a well-deserved break for me. It was more of I needed it. I needed to get away from people, I needed to get away from everything school related and even when the results came in, I was like 'LOL ENLIGHTEN ME HUMANS OF EARTH WHAT IS THIS STRANGE SCHOOL THINGY YOU ALL SPEAK OF' And maybe that's why I went mad.

And can I just say, the madness was absolutely worth it. No regrets. I have a ~feel good~ tingling gut feeling about this new semester. I actually can't wait for school!!!

OMG YES I CAN'T WAIT FOR SCHOOL

Happy first day of school!
-

Labels: dailies, poem

I miss filming for Outclassed, even though that's technically only the first episode... I think. But it was great to be an actor for a comedy series, and definitely great to work with my other cast members as well as the crew. I've always wanted to act in a tv series. And I got my chance, but I think I could have done better, I just needed to put in more emotion and feel the my character more! But well, we'll see! Hopefully Outclassed becomes a real tv series, that would be an amazing experience.

Apart from that, I was also one of the actors for Fel's talkshow, and me and Daph got to shamelessly play with condoms (no joke, we actually took it out and started stretching it like crazy and even used it as a water balloon!!) and talk about sex as if it was a normal everyday thing to talk about in the public of conservative Singapore. Not that I had any personal experience on this issue, I just heard... stories from other people :> Break fast at Long Beach was definitely one of the best meals I had so far, amazing food with wonderful girls like Daph and Fel <3
-
It's been a tough and trying semester, and honestly, I don't deserve to say I tried my best. This semester had been and will be my downfall.
-
Been hooked on Avril's Don't Tell Me these past few days. I don't know why. I know it's a really old song, but maybe now, I could relate to the lyrics a bit more than I used to?

'Guess it wasn't enough to take up some of my love.
Guys are so hard to trust.'

True true.

Should end with something like this after every post:

Labels: dailies, days out

It's a new blog, so I'm guessing, I should try to re-start my life from a blank slate (okay maybe I can't erase every thing I knew but you get my drift)

So I'll definitely cut down on the sob stories/ ranting/ sadness that I had in my previous blog, and maybe add in more of the fun and laughter I've been having (or will have, considering HOLIDAYS are around the corner.)

Yes ok I will do something about my teen angst.

But here are some fun days to look forward to!
19th August - Rayayayayayaaaaa~~ All the kuehs and the duit raya and the pretty girls/ handsome boys in baju raya and fun w ze friends... and don't forget the random checking into people's homes on formspring #bucketlist
23rd August - End of exams!! And most probably out with belbel the rest of the week, Wanteng's birthday party and all :3
30th August - Prancer's chalet, 3 days 2 nights with 'fuckthisshit' clan! heh
September plans to be confirmed.
6th October - FREAKING LEGOLAND!!!!
20th October - Sentosa Haunted Trail (OMGAHHHH)

Ok I am looking forward to the end of next week. Yes I am. OH MY GOD.

END. OF. NEXT. WEEK.
NEXT WEEK.

Labels: dailies

A while ago, on a night out, I realised that what had happened in the past, every single life changing incident, doesn't necessarily have to affect the thoughts and choices I make today, and I think that's a really positive change in my mindset for my current and future selves.
-
D-6 to Korea, and it is surreallllll to think that this time next week, I would be back in the hostel from strolling down Haeundae beach with two wonderful people, with cozy jackets on and our feet digging into the sand. The thought of it gives me such joy and thrill.

Close my eyes, open them
I've just done graduation
Close my eyes and open them again
I'm on vacation
Thrice, closed and open
I'm back under pressure

Life's such. Especially life here. But yknow, let's live in thr moment, shall we?
-
I'll be updating more often with my trip coming up!!! Here's to less empty blogs and more interesting stories /clink

Labels: dailies, poem

Today, I accidentally made a kid cry....... and that broke my heart, I felt utter remorse for being so harsh to him ):

Alright, so basically, everyday during lunchtime, I assist the food auntie to give out the lunches to the kids. Today, after giving out to every P1, I started serving the other levels when this P1 kid came back (or so I thought he did). I asked him what he wanted and he said "Uhm, I don't want the egg and the cucumber." I was slightly surprised because he was supposed to ask that before he took his plate (OKAY MY FAULT HERE IS THAT I ASSUMED THAT HE HAD TAKEN HIS LUNCH OK I AM SO INCREDIBLY SORRY)

So I told him "_______, you should have told me before you take your plate. Where's your plate now?" And he didn't reply me, so I thought he just wanted a new plate without the cucumber. He didn't reply me but he said "I really don't want the cucumber." Obviously, I can't take out the cucumber cause all the other kids will complain and say it is unfair and unjust and bla bla bla.... yget what I mean. And he gave me all sorts of nonsense excuses. "I cannot eat vegetables." "it is too sour" "it doesn't taste nice" And by that time, I got slightly agitated?!?!? .... And so.... i scolded him.... "______, stop giving me excuses! You better go back and eat or I would tell Auntie ______ (our head disciplinarian)" And I absolutely ignored him (OH MY GOD. WRITING THIS, I WANT TO KILL MYSELF NOW. WAS I FOR REAL)

When he noticed I was not answering him, e went to queue up at the P2 line and a colleague of mine was shocked "eh, why are you here!" and I told her to ignore him because he just didn't want to eat the cucumbers (WTF OMG WTF SELF WTF) and then I told myself ok, he seems to not be getting it, i will sit beside him and make him eat his cucumbers. So I asked him "ok, come I sit beside you and help you eat ok?" and so I took his hand and brought him back to the tables where the kids are and..... I REALISED HE REALLY HASN'T GOTTEN HIS FOOD. By that time he was already tearing up and sobbing and i felt f- guilty ok. And this kid is a genuinely good kid and he is gonna hate me for life for doing that.

Brought him back to the stall to get his food and he was furiously wiping off his tears and all I could say was 'oh, don't cry, it's alright, your food is here, I teach you how to eat the cucumber ok?' and I didn't even apologize, I am so disappointed in myself. And then while eating, he actually made the effort to eat his cucumbers even though he doesn't like it! /cries freaking buckets of tears istg/

ok basically I felt very very very bad for what I said/did towards this kid without realising the enormous amounts of stress I was imposing on him. I should really kick myself hard in the head omg i think i've been pretty strong on the kids recently.... i should tone down bc they are k i d s.

sigh........... s i g h............. S I G H.................................

I will try better from now onwards.

Labels: children, dailies

아니야 사실은, 친구 아니야.

Labels: dailies

I've been spending a lot of time with kids that I have started to feel awkward around groups of people my age.

Labels: dailies

Nerve wrecking, there was a gush of so many emotions at one go - fear, excitement, believe - amongst others

Labels: children, dailies

Song: The Falala Song - Jack & Rai
Mood: Apprehensive



It's been a good two weeks at school so far. I am LOVING the fact we only have 4 days of school each week, my weekends starting a day earlier and lasting for three days ^^

will do a proper post once I have my priorities straight. yeap I kind of got distracted.

Labels: dailies

Song: Femme Fatale - Emilie Simon
Mood: Nonchalant

Shifting places,
need something new.
Familiar faces,
none of which are true. 

Classroom daze.
Murmurs all around.
Brain's a haze,
can't find your ground.

- written today, in commemoration of the first day of school. As you can probably tell, negativity is overpowering and overwhelming.

Insane, unfathomable rant coming up.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Some feelings in my life, even though they seem real at that moment it happened, those feelings feel like a dream afterwards. I've learned to push those feelings deep into the corners of my otherwise dusty mind just because I know it will might never happen again, those feelings will never resurface again because those moments happen only ONCE in my entire lifetime.

I push everything away, I don't know if it's because I don't want to disappoint myself when my expectations aren't met, or it's because it's just better this way. The past should stay where it belongs, the past. No spilling over the pages of today and tomorrow... I don't know. I really don't.

I think you're part of my past now. Thank you for having been part of my life for that point in time. But I guess some people can't see the fact I've slipped away from what used to be and I'm not exactly interested to go through what I felt the last few hours of that point in my life. If you get my drift. Rage, envy and utter disappointment. But who would know right?

Who would.

Labels: dailies, poem

Song: Anything But Ordinary - Avril Lavigne
Mood: HIGHLY THRILLED FOR SCHOOL





I've got a new meaning to this word, other than the usual 12-hour shifts on my com + week + sleep in till late kind of holidays. yes imma pig sue me.

Sincerely speaking, the past 3 4 5 6 weeks have been one hell of a roller-coaster ride that I really enjoyed. Even the dips, the thrilling dips, that just brings the ride back up to the highest point again. I mean, the highest points won't be high without the lowest points right? (:

I did crazy things I would never have had done last holidays (ok I don't know if it's because I turned legal or because I needed to shake things off) but I did and damn, hahah it was fun. The nights out, the new experiences, all those feelings and thoughts that felt so alive. So alive to the point I can still hardly believe that it is so different compared to the me during school (but hey everyone's like that in school too)

The break, it was definitely NOT a well-deserved break for me. It was more of I needed it. I needed to get away from people, I needed to get away from everything school related and even when the results came in, I was like 'LOL ENLIGHTEN ME HUMANS OF EARTH WHAT IS THIS STRANGE SCHOOL THINGY YOU ALL SPEAK OF' And maybe that's why I went mad.

And can I just say, the madness was absolutely worth it. No regrets. I have a ~feel good~ tingling gut feeling about this new semester. I actually can't wait for school!!!

OMG YES I CAN'T WAIT FOR SCHOOL

Happy first day of school!
-

Labels: dailies, poem

I miss filming for Outclassed, even though that's technically only the first episode... I think. But it was great to be an actor for a comedy series, and definitely great to work with my other cast members as well as the crew. I've always wanted to act in a tv series. And I got my chance, but I think I could have done better, I just needed to put in more emotion and feel the my character more! But well, we'll see! Hopefully Outclassed becomes a real tv series, that would be an amazing experience.

Apart from that, I was also one of the actors for Fel's talkshow, and me and Daph got to shamelessly play with condoms (no joke, we actually took it out and started stretching it like crazy and even used it as a water balloon!!) and talk about sex as if it was a normal everyday thing to talk about in the public of conservative Singapore. Not that I had any personal experience on this issue, I just heard... stories from other people :> Break fast at Long Beach was definitely one of the best meals I had so far, amazing food with wonderful girls like Daph and Fel <3
-
It's been a tough and trying semester, and honestly, I don't deserve to say I tried my best. This semester had been and will be my downfall.
-
Been hooked on Avril's Don't Tell Me these past few days. I don't know why. I know it's a really old song, but maybe now, I could relate to the lyrics a bit more than I used to?

'Guess it wasn't enough to take up some of my love.
Guys are so hard to trust.'

True true.

Should end with something like this after every post:

Labels: dailies, days out

It's a new blog, so I'm guessing, I should try to re-start my life from a blank slate (okay maybe I can't erase every thing I knew but you get my drift)

So I'll definitely cut down on the sob stories/ ranting/ sadness that I had in my previous blog, and maybe add in more of the fun and laughter I've been having (or will have, considering HOLIDAYS are around the corner.)

Yes ok I will do something about my teen angst.

But here are some fun days to look forward to!
19th August - Rayayayayayaaaaa~~ All the kuehs and the duit raya and the pretty girls/ handsome boys in baju raya and fun w ze friends... and don't forget the random checking into people's homes on formspring #bucketlist
23rd August - End of exams!! And most probably out with belbel the rest of the week, Wanteng's birthday party and all :3
30th August - Prancer's chalet, 3 days 2 nights with 'fuckthisshit' clan! heh
September plans to be confirmed.
6th October - FREAKING LEGOLAND!!!!
20th October - Sentosa Haunted Trail (OMGAHHHH)

Ok I am looking forward to the end of next week. Yes I am. OH MY GOD.

END. OF. NEXT. WEEK.
NEXT WEEK.

Labels: dailies